Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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