Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
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