why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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