you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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