Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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