His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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