Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
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