My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
