ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Randomize
