Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Randomize
