I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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