I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
