Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
