Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
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