Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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