hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
