So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
