we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
