once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
