So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
