just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
