Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
