hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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