I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
