i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
