Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
