I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
