I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
