We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
