he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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