i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
