my room smells like sperm. sweet.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
