And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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