I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
