i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
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