Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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