the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
