it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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