I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
