I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Randomize
