Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
