Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
