I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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