I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
