: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
