i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Randomize
