just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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