...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
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