He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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