I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
